Tag Archive | thoughts

Random Thoughts pt II

So why is it when a black woman decides she has certain standards or has compiled a “list” of qualifications she needs to lower them or take some things off to get a man. We are encouraged to stick with a man that isn’t successful even if we are successful in our own right. But a black man that is successful is discouraged from doing the same. A successful woman that is looking for a man that is just as successful is often times told that she will have to settle, that she won’t find a man that meets all of her standards and that she should accept that fact. I fail to believe that. I believe that if I as a woman first and a black woman secondly can manage to be successful in a worlds where women in general aren’t seen as equals then why shouldn’t I expect my spouse or significant other to be successful as well. Also a black woman is expected to stick with the broke black man and encourage him and be strong and supportive. All fine and well but “when he gets on and leave your ass for a white girl” why is that encouraged? Like I understand that white women were forbidden and all that and naturally you want that forbidden fruit but for some men to think they haven’t reached their peak until they have a white woman I don’t understand that.

For me I could never see myself marrying a person outside of my race and it isn’t because I’m a racist nor am I prejudiced against other races. It’s just that when I think about walking down the aisle I see a strong handsome black man at the altar waiting on me. I’m still young and this could change (I doubt it but anything could happen) but this is what I envision. I see us being married and then starting a family. I loathe the stereotype of baby mothers so I want a husband then a child. I’m the type of woman that is willing to stand by a man through it all and be loyal and be the strong woman, wife and mother like my mom. Now when I see a black man with a white woman a part of me wishes I were seeing him with a black woman but it doesn’t bother me enough to say anything the thought doesn’t even leave my head. I don’t know these people or their background so who am I to judge them. Now where the problem lies is when a man says oh I only date white women, I’d never date a black woman. That baffles me now I know I said I could never see me dating outside my race and that might make me seem hypocritical but really? You came from a black woman, who came from a black woman. Then again some of these black women you see aren’t all that appealing. We have to quit perpetuating stereotypes and just focus on being successful and better than those stereotypes that are seen everywhere.

I think I kinda got off on a tangent when I started this second paragraph. but one question I have is Are black men scared or intimidated by the educated successful black woman? I may make a separate post on this later.

Random Thoughts pt I

I was just thinking about some things.

First of all… When someone shows you their true colors believe them. No one knows themselves better than them so when they show you that they’re an asshole or rude or great or whatever characteristic believe them. Don’t shrug it off or charge it to the game. If you see a red flag notice it, take note of it and if it pops up again govern yourself accordingly.

Secondly, when a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship believe his ass and don’t stick around waiting for him to realize how great you are. Realize how great you are for yourself, believe that man and move on to the next. Also, more often than not when a man tells you they aren’t ready for a relationship what they really mean is that they aren’t ready for a relationship with you and most likely never will be. Take that L which will probably actually end up eventually a mark in the W category and move forward. Don’t take offense if this person immediately or shortly thereafter ends up in a relationship with someone else. Just be glad that hopefully you didn’t allow yourself to be a place holder or a stepping stone for the next chick that comes along. Most importantly DO NOT compare yourself to this other woman.

Thirdly, don’t fall in love with potential. Fall in love with a person as they are not as what they have the potential to be because until they realize that potential on their own they can’t be or see what they have the potential to be. Also, refer back to the second note regarding true colors. Another thing with this is not to fall in love with the fantasy you have built around a person. Take a second to remove those rose colored glasses that you’re wearing that is making this person seem like they could walk on water. It’s OK, everyone has flaws we just have to choose which ones we can and cannot live with. Now I’m not saying that a person can’t be great I’m just saying sometimes we sell ourselves a dream and try to insert this person into it. Be careful with this.