Tag Archive | settling

Random Thoughts pt II

So why is it when a black woman decides she has certain standards or has compiled a “list” of qualifications she needs to lower them or take some things off to get a man. We are encouraged to stick with a man that isn’t successful even if we are successful in our own right. But a black man that is successful is discouraged from doing the same. A successful woman that is looking for a man that is just as successful is often times told that she will have to settle, that she won’t find a man that meets all of her standards and that she should accept that fact. I fail to believe that. I believe that if I as a woman first and a black woman secondly can manage to be successful in a worlds where women in general aren’t seen as equals then why shouldn’t I expect my spouse or significant other to be successful as well. Also a black woman is expected to stick with the broke black man and encourage him and be strong and supportive. All fine and well but “when he gets on and leave your ass for a white girl” why is that encouraged? Like I understand that white women were forbidden and all that and naturally you want that forbidden fruit but for some men to think they haven’t reached their peak until they have a white woman I don’t understand that.

For me I could never see myself marrying a person outside of my race and it isn’t because I’m a racist nor am I prejudiced against other races. It’s just that when I think about walking down the aisle I see a strong handsome black man at the altar waiting on me. I’m still young and this could change (I doubt it but anything could happen) but this is what I envision. I see us being married and then starting a family. I loathe the stereotype of baby mothers so I want a husband then a child. I’m the type of woman that is willing to stand by a man through it all and be loyal and be the strong woman, wife and mother like my mom. Now when I see a black man with a white woman a part of me wishes I were seeing him with a black woman but it doesn’t bother me enough to say anything the thought doesn’t even leave my head. I don’t know these people or their background so who am I to judge them. Now where the problem lies is when a man says oh I only date white women, I’d never date a black woman. That baffles me now I know I said I could never see me dating outside my race and that might make me seem hypocritical but really? You came from a black woman, who came from a black woman. Then again some of these black women you see aren’t all that appealing. We have to quit perpetuating stereotypes and just focus on being successful and better than those stereotypes that are seen everywhere.

I think I kinda got off on a tangent when I started this second paragraph. but one question I have is Are black men scared or intimidated by the educated successful black woman? I may make a separate post on this later.